How to Care for Yourself as a Stay at Home Parent

It is SO incredibly important to care for yourself as a stay at home parent.

Stay at home parenting is tough.  It’s exhausting.  It’s draining (both physically and mentally).

I’ve been there…..right in your shoes…..and I HEAR YOU.

Day after day of kids making messes…..cleaning up from messes, doing laundry..…folding laundry, making meals……cleaning up from meals….bathing kids, putting kids to bed…..then don’t forget about all the days they are sick……..

It feels like you are doing the same thing every day over and over and over (reality check — that’s because you ARE)!

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Have you ever read something only to think that it would have been more beneficial to have read that information years prior?!  I sure have.   When I was gathering my thoughts for this post, I wanted to write something that I wish I would have read before I became a stay-at-home mom 8 years ago.  It would have never changed my decision to stop working for a paycheck.  But it may have changed how I thought about certain situations. And looking back on it, I may have done some things differently.

For purposes of this post, when I refer to a “stay at home parent”, I mean a Mom (or Dad!) who’s full time job it is to stay home each day to raise their family (in place of having a job that provides a paycheck).  So many people are able to work from home now a days, which I think is awesome.  They may feel like a stay at home parent because they work in their home, but the big difference is that they are still contributing to their family financially.

Before I dig into details, I’d like to make an important point.  Parenting is the hardest job on earth.  It doesn’t matter if you are a working parent, a stay at home parent, a work from home parent, a single parent or a step parent.  I give props to Moms and Dads everywhere that are raising precious children and do whatever they can to support and provide for them.  Seriously……we are a bunch of bad asses.  Let’s give credit where credit is due 😉

Here are some things I’ve learned as a stay at home mom and wanted to share.

DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY EVERY DAY.

Being home with kids is not only physically draining, but even more mentally draining.  This is especially true when your kids are very young.  If you went from working and conversing with adults all day (like I did) to suddenly being home with a baby who doesn’t talk, it can get really lonely!  Let’s face it, kids of all ages are needy.  When you are giving, giving, giving all the time, it can really suck the life out of you!

That’s why it is important to remember to do something every day that makes YOU happy.  Whether that means taking a nap to recharge (just leave the messes, they will still be there when you wake up), reading a book, taking a shower during nap time or drinking your favorite beverage with some quiet time.  Everyone has different things they like, so do whatever it is that makes you happy.

For me personally, I would always make myself a cup of coffee (one of my absolute favorite drinks) in the early afternoon during nap time.  It was something that I looked forward to, enjoyed and was my way of “celebrating” the halfway mark of the day.  It was my way to recharge.  As I always say, you have to celebrate the small stuff (especially when it comes to raising kids) and it’s the little things (or drinks!) that mean the most.

DON’T EVER FEEL ASHAMED TO ASK FOR HELP.  

As stay at home parents, we sometimes feel like we should be able to do EVERYTHING.  That is our “job” after all, right?  The truth is, it is more difficult than you think to juggle taking care of kids along with everything else that goes into taking care of a home.  And you don’t always realize HOW difficult it is until you are knee deep in laundry while trying to chase around your toddler who is putting Goldfish crackers in your shoe and then somehow remember that you had a pot of water you were trying to boil on the stove that has now boiled over (not that ANY of that has ever happened to me ;-))

Don’t be ashamed to ask for help.  It doesn’t make you weak, it actually makes you a better parent because it gives you the time you need to take care of yourself and refresh.  Even if it is just for a few hours, take up someone’s offer to stay with your little ones and get outside to take a walk or go sit and have coffee at your favorite place and just sit in peace and quiet.

My First Day as a Mom – October 2010

STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FRIENDS (ESPECIALLY OTHER STAY AT HOME PARENTS)

Life gets so much busier when kids are added to your family.  It’s just the way it goes. Sometimes we forget what our life was even like before kids.  It’s so important to stay in touch with your friends.  If they have kids too, you can relate to each other on so many levels.

Being a stay-at-home parent is very rare these days.  It is not the norm, I understand that.  I would sometimes get the strangest looks when I told people I stayed at home with my kids.  I found it to be rather insulting.  So if you do make friends with another stay-at-home parent, open up to them.  Talk about what a difficult job you are doing.  Trust me, they probably have a lot of the same feelings that you do and talking about it can be some of the best therapy.

WHAT YOU DO IS IMPORTANT!!  DO NOT EVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOU THINK OTHERWISE.

Let me say that again, because this is a huge point.  WHAT YOU DO IS IMPORTANT!!

When you take care of your kids day in and day out, it can sometimes make it feel like what you do is not important.  Being a stay at home parent is not a job where you get a review, positive feedback and a “pat on the back” for doing a great job.

When was the last time your kids told you (if they can even talk yet), “Thank you!  You are doing a great job raising me and I appreciate what you do for me every day.”  Anyone?  ANYONE?  (By the way, if your kids do tell you that, kudos to you and we need talk so you can tell me your secret 😉

My point is, when you are the one giving all the time and your kids don’t (or can’t) verbalize that you are doing a good job or tell you they appreciate you, it can be frustrating.  It can be hard to stay positive and keep doing what you are with a good attitude.

Know that being a stay at home parent is the most important job you will ever have.  Trust that the smiles, hugs and kisses you receive are their way of showing appreciation.  Cherish the quiet moments in the midst of the chaos.  Watch them while they sleep.  Get your snuggles in while you can.

TREAT YOURSELF AND GO OUT

I know you’re exhausted.  I know yoga pants and a t-shirt

are way more comfortable than getting into a pair of jeans and a nice shirt.  I know you would rather put on your pajamas and curl up in bed. But sometimes pushing yourself to get dressed, put on some makeup and go out is the most amazing, rejuvenating thing you can do for yourself.  Go out to a nice dinner or have a drink with your friends.  If shopping makes you happy, go do that.

Here’s the kicker, though……you need to go out and NOT FEEL GUILTY for leaving your kids with someone else for a while.  If you are out and only thinking about the kids and feeling guilty for being away from them, you are defeating the purpose 🙂

At the end of the day, remember why you are home with your kids.  Sure, there are a million things to do around the house, but sometimes those things can wait.  Get on the floor and play with your kids….do some fun, creative stuff that may get a little messy….take trips to the park and let them discover new things.  THAT is how precious memories are made.

Being a stay at home mom feels like a continuous balancing act.  Some days I balance just fine and other days feel out of control. But I DO find that the more time I have to focus on myself and recharge, the better mom I am.  I feel more focused and have more patience.  THAT is the kind of mom I want to be to my boys.  That is what they DESERVE.

I still haven’t figured out how some days feel like they last forever, but the years go by so quickly.  Looking back at the precious memories that I have made with my boys and cannot believe how fast they have grown.  It makes me teary eyed every time I look at these pictures.

They grow up so fast.  What an adventure.  Cherish every moment that you can.  But remember to take care of yourself too 🙂 

My first day as a Mom of two – July 2013